Me. No-one else. P has technological things to deal with which means my hopes of dragging the two small people out into the natural light and bird calls are dashed. I can lead by example sure, but I'm not the only example. So the iPad wins. At least right now.
Eating...P's sourdough toast with local marmalade
Drinking...coffee of course
Reading...homeschooling message boards and occasionally Waldorf blogs that drown me in inadequacy until I discover the punitive discipline and think our technology filled chaotic lives aren't so bad after all
Listening...to the bird calls in our peaceful backyard.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Ballerina
On Thursday M chose to perform a dance she made up in front of about twenty students (plus parents) from the same studio. Most of them were 2-10 years older than her. This is her afterwards. She looks happy to me.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
High Needs
I have a lot to say (write/post/blog), mostly about my eldest child. I start a million blog posts a day about her. I'm just so gosh darn confused by her really I am. I first read the term "high needs baby" when she was only a few weeks old and thought how awful that was since I couldn't imagine any baby requiring more from it's caregivers than mine did and therefore "high needs" sounded like hell on earth. It took me until she was 12 months old, yes, an entire year to realise she actually was high needs. I looked at a similar aged baby one day happily cooing in it's pram and realised that there was a possibility that child was not just pretending to be happy there because it had been tortured by being left screaming in the pram until it realised it wasn't going to be picked up. A possibility that that particular baby might just maybe possibly have been naturally ok with not being constantly held. That did my head in. I honestly thought up until that moment that all non-attachment parents were baby torturers. I really did. Because that's what it would have been to M for us to parent any differently.
The thing is, before I had that realisation I also had a niggling little thought hidden deep within that I was somehow failing at motherhood. That because I found my baby so hard that I was somehow lacking.
What I've realised in the last week is that although they've changed a lot at the age of not-quite-five-years, those high needs haven't gone away like I thought they had. No, they haven't gone anywhere at all. That niggling little shameful thought though, it's come back with a vengeance. Go away little thought! I am not failing because our days are hard sometimes. I am not failing because I'm not a perfect unschooler nor am I failing because I'm not a perfect Waldorf mother or a rigorous classical homeschooler. I am also not failing because I sometimes contemplate trying to fit those or any other labels, sometimes think a formula would make it easier.
She is hard work. I am hard work. Life is hard work. That's ok.
The thing is, before I had that realisation I also had a niggling little thought hidden deep within that I was somehow failing at motherhood. That because I found my baby so hard that I was somehow lacking.
What I've realised in the last week is that although they've changed a lot at the age of not-quite-five-years, those high needs haven't gone away like I thought they had. No, they haven't gone anywhere at all. That niggling little shameful thought though, it's come back with a vengeance. Go away little thought! I am not failing because our days are hard sometimes. I am not failing because I'm not a perfect unschooler nor am I failing because I'm not a perfect Waldorf mother or a rigorous classical homeschooler. I am also not failing because I sometimes contemplate trying to fit those or any other labels, sometimes think a formula would make it easier.
She is hard work. I am hard work. Life is hard work. That's ok.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I think I've finally
found an app that actually works to allow me to blog from my phone. Thus I will be able to listen to myself speak (write) constantly from now on! How exciting.
New Rhythms New Approaches
So we have been home for half a week now and things are slowly settling into place. Well, the mess certainly is! As we find our rhythm again we find it has changed a little here and there.
For one thing we seem to be lacking a space in our week for the library visit we loved so much. Friday would work but our teeny tiny local library isn't open on Friday. Thursday before ballet would be possible but I'm learning the wisdom of simplifying as much as possible at the tender ages of A and M. We are all so much happier and calmer when we only do one major thing on each outing. So perhaps the library will have to wait for the weeks we don't do the local homeschool co-op class.
One thing we are experimenting with is an earlier dinner time for everyone. P was only eating two meals a day while he was away and would like to continue and M has always had a certain point in the evening beyond which she just won't eat anything so I'm hoping this will work for all of us. The mountains are turning on the full force of their weather at the moment but on the nicer days we have been eating then heading outside to play until the chickens are ready for bed. It's challenging for me as I'd rather be inside cleaning up but I feel outside time at dusk had many many benefits so I tell those nagging little voices to be quiet.
For one thing we seem to be lacking a space in our week for the library visit we loved so much. Friday would work but our teeny tiny local library isn't open on Friday. Thursday before ballet would be possible but I'm learning the wisdom of simplifying as much as possible at the tender ages of A and M. We are all so much happier and calmer when we only do one major thing on each outing. So perhaps the library will have to wait for the weeks we don't do the local homeschool co-op class.
One thing we are experimenting with is an earlier dinner time for everyone. P was only eating two meals a day while he was away and would like to continue and M has always had a certain point in the evening beyond which she just won't eat anything so I'm hoping this will work for all of us. The mountains are turning on the full force of their weather at the moment but on the nicer days we have been eating then heading outside to play until the chickens are ready for bed. It's challenging for me as I'd rather be inside cleaning up but I feel outside time at dusk had many many benefits so I tell those nagging little voices to be quiet.
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