Tuesday, March 29, 2011

High Needs

I have a lot to say (write/post/blog), mostly about my eldest child. I start a million blog posts a day about her. I'm just so gosh darn confused by her really I am. I first read the term "high needs baby" when she was only a few weeks old and thought how awful that was since I couldn't imagine any baby requiring more from it's caregivers than mine did and therefore "high needs" sounded like hell on earth. It took me until she was 12 months old, yes, an entire year to realise she actually was high needs. I looked at a similar aged baby one day happily cooing in it's pram and realised that there was a possibility that child was not just pretending to be happy there because it had been tortured by being left screaming in the pram until it realised it wasn't going to be picked up. A possibility that that particular baby might just maybe possibly have been naturally ok with not being constantly held. That did my head in. I honestly thought up until that moment that all non-attachment parents were baby torturers. I really did. Because that's what it would have been to M for us to parent any differently.
The thing is, before I had that realisation I also had a niggling little thought hidden deep within that I was somehow failing at motherhood. That because I found my baby so hard that I was somehow lacking.
What I've realised in the last week is that although they've changed a lot at the age of not-quite-five-years, those high needs haven't gone away like I thought they had. No, they haven't gone anywhere at all. That niggling little shameful thought though, it's come back with a vengeance. Go away little thought! I am not failing because our days are hard sometimes. I am not failing because I'm not a perfect unschooler nor am I failing because I'm not a perfect Waldorf mother or a rigorous classical homeschooler. I am also not failing because I sometimes contemplate trying to fit those or any other labels, sometimes think a formula would make it easier.
She is hard work. I am hard work. Life is hard work. That's ok.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I think I've finally

found an app that actually works to allow me to blog from my phone. Thus I will be able to listen to myself speak (write) constantly from now on! How exciting.

New Rhythms New Approaches

So we have been home for half a week now and things are slowly settling into place. Well, the mess certainly is! As we find our rhythm again we find it has changed a little here and there.
For one thing we seem to be lacking a space in our week for the library visit we loved so much. Friday would work but our teeny tiny local library isn't open on Friday. Thursday before ballet would be possible but I'm learning the wisdom of simplifying as much as possible at the tender ages of A and M. We are all so much happier and calmer when we only do one major thing on each outing. So perhaps the library will have to wait for the weeks we don't do the local homeschool co-op class.
One thing we are experimenting with is an earlier dinner time for everyone. P was only eating two meals a day while he was away and would like to continue and M has always had a certain point in the evening beyond which she just won't eat anything so I'm hoping this will work for all of us. The mountains are turning on the full force of their weather at the moment but on the nicer days we have been eating then heading outside to play until the chickens are ready for bed. It's challenging for me as I'd rather be inside cleaning up but I feel outside time at dusk had many many benefits so I tell those nagging little voices to be quiet.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Blue Mountains Food Co-op 30th Birthday

This was meant to be just a short sojourn in our Saturday but both children had such a marvelous time we ended up staying around 7 hours I think.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Unschool Monday - screentime

No, not a self-righteous post full of impassioned arguements for or against. Just a description of our day. M's day at least involved a lot of it. A lot. She grabbed the iPad and started playing her new Magic School Bus app before even getting out of bed. Actually most of the day was spent with that app. It would possibly be an understatement to say she loves it. She also tinkered around with a few other apps - mostly phonics/spelling type ones and currently she is on a youtube enabled Magic School Bus marathon. I think we're on maybe the fifth one for the day. I politely suggested this might be the last one since (appropriately) she is booked in for a CSIRO run chemistry workshop at the local homeschool co-op tomorrow morning.
Joining in with owlet

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Home again

and peaceful. Travel was peaceful, home is peaceful. Strange (to me at least) but true. Parents and children meditation tomorrow. Grand.