High Needs

I have a lot to say (write/post/blog), mostly about my eldest child. I start a million blog posts a day about her. I'm just so gosh darn confused by her really I am. I first read the term "high needs baby" when she was only a few weeks old and thought how awful that was since I couldn't imagine any baby requiring more from it's caregivers than mine did and therefore "high needs" sounded like hell on earth. It took me until she was 12 months old, yes, an entire year to realise she actually was high needs. I looked at a similar aged baby one day happily cooing in it's pram and realised that there was a possibility that child was not just pretending to be happy there because it had been tortured by being left screaming in the pram until it realised it wasn't going to be picked up. A possibility that that particular baby might just maybe possibly have been naturally ok with not being constantly held. That did my head in. I honestly thought up until that moment that all non-attachment parents were baby torturers. I really did. Because that's what it would have been to M for us to parent any differently.
The thing is, before I had that realisation I also had a niggling little thought hidden deep within that I was somehow failing at motherhood. That because I found my baby so hard that I was somehow lacking.
What I've realised in the last week is that although they've changed a lot at the age of not-quite-five-years, those high needs haven't gone away like I thought they had. No, they haven't gone anywhere at all. That niggling little shameful thought though, it's come back with a vengeance. Go away little thought! I am not failing because our days are hard sometimes. I am not failing because I'm not a perfect unschooler nor am I failing because I'm not a perfect Waldorf mother or a rigorous classical homeschooler. I am also not failing because I sometimes contemplate trying to fit those or any other labels, sometimes think a formula would make it easier.
She is hard work. I am hard work. Life is hard work. That's ok.

There's a bed in my loungeroom

and this feels very strange. It's not a temporary, set-up for welcome (or less welcome) visitors. It's a new permanent feature. It's actually a kind of chair/day-bed. Never the less right now it looks a lot like a bed to me and I find it weirdly disturbing.

India?

That's all.

Adjusting to life with one less computer and more

I've already mentioned the demise of my dearly beloved laptop. She is much mourned by M as the last remaining source of dvd viewing pleasure (the drive in P's laptop having been worn out from over-use in the months following A's birth). That means we compete to get our screentime fix from the itty-bitty HP Mini thingy. Which really means that M gets her fix (of youtube or reading eggs usually) while I'm cleaning or cooking or putting A to bed and I get mine late at night when she is finally asleep and he wakes for more milk & sleeps on my lap while I read or right now, blog.
P has quit or is in the process of quitting his main client. Which is, I must say, the best news I've heard in a long time. The house feels different already. The children are enjoying having two parents instead of one and a bit and I am enjoying less cooking (as well as the conversation). No doubt it will bring us a little closer to the (financial) edge than we have been used to for the past few years but it's nowhere we haven't been before and the benefits abound :)

Photo-free

There's lots to share but I find it so much easier to have a photo or two to start the flow of words. Unfortunately the black hole in our house seems to have swallowed the camera battery charger. Then of course there's the whole ongoing mobile phone saga too, so not even any mobile photos to share. Sigh. Oh well.
In case you were interested - child the larger is currently covering the loungeroom with an elaborate wooden train set construction. Including a road next to the train tracks like the GWH here in the mountains.
The small one just fell asleep in the "other" meitai.
Grass-fed beef with black bean and red wine (and lots of garlic for our colds) stew is in the oven. Two loaves of sourdough were removed from said oven (not by me) shortly before the stew went in. Cottage cheese is draining (again not my work) and we are planning on going to Juggling Jam tonight.

Exhale

Well, I really don't think A has measles. Thank goodness. His rash continues to fade and there has been no fever since Monday night. The mastitis is on it's way out as well, and good riddance to that!
All in all it's been a week of hermit-dom though. We've missed all our usual activities through either me being to sick to take them, wanting to quarantine A in case he was infectious and M deciding she needed a day off from ballet. Actually (sickness aside) it's been lovely. I love home days. I do feel out of touch though, I hate to admit it but I'm missing facebook. Certain people don't seem to get emails, or text messages or any other form of messages really. Oh well, I guess the trade-off for enjoying peaceful days at home is becoming a social pariah.

No pot roast

Well, at least not yesterday. It's in the oven today. Somehow I doubt A's fever was teeth related since he came out in an awful rash. We thought it might be chicken pox but to me it looks more like excema. Sigh, who knows. We haven't been off to the doc because (apart from that one hour of fever on Monday night) he has been perfectly happy and hasn't seemed sick at all.
Of course, along with a sick baby what do I always get? Mastitis. Ugh! Yesterday I was feverish and out of it all day. Hence no pot roast. I think I did well just keep the fire going and give M some pasta for dinner. Today is better but still sore and low on energy.

Real Food, Real Kitchen, Real Parenting

Inspired by Calamity Jane's post on "real kitchens". Here is my kitchen after an afternoon of cooking with two small children in tow. Lasagne, beef and lentil stew and chicken stock if I remember correctly, plus assorted snacks for the larger child and myself.


And after an hour (yes, an hour) of cleaning...

Rhythm, routine or just stuff I want to get done...

This is a fairly mindless post, prompted by the fact that Monday is turning into a regular home day around here which is great. So I thought here was as good a place as any to jot down a list of Monday chores:

• Vacuum/sweep
• Tidy kitchen/dishes/laundry/feed the chickens - all the normal daily stuff
• Mop
• Change sheets if needed
• Grind flour
• Cook something that attempts to use up the remainder of last week's organic veggie box
• Start a new batch of beef broth (I much prefer the name "Broken Bone Soup" as it's called in Healing with Wholefoods)
• GET RID OF (one or two) THINGS! More gently known as decluttering or even purging. It's sorely needed around here.

Oh, and of course play with the kidlets. That kinda goes without saying.

Blog Crush

I have a blog crush. Calamity Jane has been listed in my links at the side for ages but after this post:
http://apronstringz.wordpress.com/2010/02/21/radical-homemaking-and-feminism/
I'm am head over heels in love. Ah!
The article she links to is great too and I NEED that book.
I've been meaning for ages to post a response to Calamity Jane's "Real Kitchens" series. I'll get onto it soon. I have the pictures, I just need to charge the camera battery so I can upload them...

Finally our new abode

First, the driveway. Somewhat of a feeling of seclusion don't you think? That's Nellie the Elephant sitting at the top of the driveway.
Next, the front garden. Sloping but relaxing and lovely. Although the agapanthas and the orange flower in the foreground are actually classed as noxious weeds in the bush up here.
Now this...
garden bed at the side of the house was a lovely overgrown thing when we inspected the property. Full of potential we thought. After we picked up the keys we discovered this monstrosity of white gravel had been dumped (and planted with natives, ok) here and on the driveway. Sticking out from the edges we could see that they had not lined it with weedmat or plastic but old lace curtains. Um, how will that stop the weeds growing through?
And of course, the backyard. There are more photos but blogger seems to have had enough. To the right of the shed there is a gap in the hedge which leads to a lovely shady overgrown patch which needs to have chickens installed in it post-haste. We just need to manifest somewhere for them to sleep.